Friday, September 23, 2011

All we wanted was dinner!

After a wonderfully chaotic evening of watching the boys run in the Cross Country Jamboree last night, we continued a tradition with Grandpa and Grandma and went out to dinner.

6:45pm We arrive at the new place in town,the E.R.Ale House, it was busy, but not full. Jamboree night in Eagle River is usually a pretty busy time. People that normally would be giving their kids baths at this time, have all grouped together in the interest of watching their little ones run through the trees and into a gauntlet of cheering family members. All of whom are hungry and do not want to go home and make dinner. Someone should let the owner of the new joint in on this little tid-bit of information. It's a good night to be full staffed.

Within five minutes our party of six is seated and we are ready to order our pre-dinner drinks, and I get carded ordering my wine. Awesome! I was carded, very cool. But our waitress Heidi burst my youthful bubble by saying "sorry, I have to card everyone". Now going up and down the two flights of stairs,running behind the building, digging in the car for my wallet, while parked next to the dumpster was not going to be nearly as much fun as when i thought I looked card-able.

My seventy-year old father in law refused to order a beer because the thought of being carded offended him and he thought it was dumb carding an old codger such as himself. My mother in law whipped out her ID, a beer is a beer and the woman was thirsty. Besides, Heidi, was just doing her job. Big mouth and all.

Breadsticks ordered for the boys, meals ordered, now we wait, shouting to be heard, but okay, the food shouldn't be long. It's simple stuff, nothing fancy. Drinks arrive, wrong wine for me, but still okay. I drink it. I a too am thirsty.

Waiting, waiting. "Miss, can you please bring another wine and we could use our waters filled. Will the breadsticks be long? These boys need food", I say. Heidi, dear Heidi. The glazed over look, the I don't know, look, the oh crap, I think we are screwed look. I have seen this look on servers before. It's never good.

Other tables, have been served. The table of four that came in after us, is happily consuming dinner. Even their baby is happy. My boys are hungry and are fueled only on the root beer given in cups too tall. My mother in law is holding on to Jack's glass. Smart woman, root beer in the lap is never fun and he is a tad squirmy. Other tables with children have the short cups with lids and straws. Not ours. We have Heidi for a server, Dear Heidi.

Wine arrives, wrong again. Oh well. I am now on a tour of Italy and Australia.

7:45pm, a full hour after we have arrived, the breadsticks show up. Yeah! Sustenance is a good thing. Dear Heidi, she had an hour to bring out napkins and appetizer plates. Glazed over look again. "Could we please have some napkins and a few plates"? I say. So back she comes, with dinner plates and napkins. Okay, no biggie, dinner plates will hold breadsticks just fine.

8:20pm Yippee! Food arrives. But wait, the large dinner plates are still on the table! What should Dear Heidi do? Remove them? NO! She moves my dirty appetizer plate back in front of me and plops down my thai pasta plate! "Oh there, that works" she says. I now have two dinner plates in front of me, stacked on top of each other. What the hell? She then did the same to everyone else. This was hilarious and shocking and holy crap did that just happen, funny. We now have something else to shout about at the table.

8:50pm We are done. It is time to go home and get these exhausted boys to bed. Both boys have their heads on the table. But where is our Dear Heidi? Waiting, waiting. "Excuse me sir" I say to a nice young employee, "We need our check and haven't see our waitress in half an hour". Is she tall and blonde he asks? Yes, she is. He rolls his eyes, "Heidi" he says "I'll see what I can do". Waiting, oh look, here comes Dear Heidi with the check. Plop goes the vinyl book on the table and off she goes. "Wait, can we please have two to-go boxes"? Glazed over look, "okay".

The boys are now up and trying to climb up on a windowsill. Jack has thrown a paper airplane that Daddy made to occupy him. Lucky, that nice lady dining ten feet away from us caught it with her face. Apologies given, down the stairs boys, we have to go, NOW.

10:00am Next morning. I am back at the E.R.Ale House inquiring about a missing jar of highly coveted homemade strawberry jam. This was given to John by his Mom. It is possibly the best jam in the world. In our haste to apologize for the plane in the face incident and get the hell out last night, John forgot his jam. I speak with the manager.
Oh the jam! he says. Yes, we didn't know where it came from, Heidi thought it was part of her tip.

She took it home.


  1. Oh, that is awful. I don't really have any plans of going there but if I do I will be sure to request anyone but Heidi.

  2. I can't hear anymore after that evening....Grandpa.

  3. It is amazing Dear Heidi has made it this far in life. And by 'this far' I mean she found her way out of the womb.


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