Sunday, November 24, 2013

Just Spanx Me!

Tis the season to suck it up, suck it in and be happy about it. This holiday season I will get to wear the cocktail dress I bought last year for the John's company Christmas party. He ended up out of town so the drapey sparkly dress has hung under it's plastic sheath for a year now. I suppose I could have sold it on Ebay, the heading could read Black Dress/w sparkles NWT. 

I had forgot about the dress and have been perusing for it's kind online. I would have felt kind of silly had I purchased another dress for the same event. But I could have told my husband I was prepared for anything to happen. Had he seen the company lushes? What if a sloper's wife tripped over her cheap stilettos and dumped her cosmo all down my front. By golly, I'd be ready for that. Just a quick run to the suite and I'd be good as new. Much better than the bimbo with a twisted ankle and a soon to be morning after hangover.

Having found and tried on the NWT black dress/w sparkles I realized that my Spanx were a must. Obviously the elastine has worn out from lack of use.  They just didn't seem to be holding in like they used to, so I measured my waist. Then in desperation I  put on a pair over the first. Feeling like a stuffed sausage, but resembling a large taupe potato, I could feel the burning sensation arising. I did indeed have Spanx induced heartburn and as I reached for the Tums I could hear myself breathing heavily. This is not the image I want to portray to myself or any other unsuspecting victims that may look my way. All this suffering has taken away two whole inches off my waist. There must be a better way.

Back online I go. This time to search for an under garment that can withstand the test of time. of course. With it's plethora of tan or black bondages, how could I not find the perfect one? My first thought into this foray of elastine and nylon is why do they use skinny, waifs to model these garments?  Want to impress, show me a before and after of a woman that needs a sausage suit.  
Now, I need to figure out which one. Tank, bra, no bra, racer shorts, slip. Men's line? Really? Forget that, I go straight to Super Duper. No joke. It's on the site, just for girls like myself, that need to move beyond Super. Not even sure why someone would bother with Medium, ha, suckers!  Maybe they have layerd themselves XL,L then M. If anyone buys three Spanx in shrinking sizes, do they get a free pack of Tums?

The website is overwhelming and I can't decide if the boob containment center or boob free garments are the right fit for me. This is going to require a trip to Nordstrom's along with talcum powder, tums, wine and a friend. Best to have fun while purchasing a sausage suit than to begrudge the process. After all, it is the holidays.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day of Rekoning.

5:30 am: Taking Pugsley for her morning "walk" in the bushes. Knowing at any minute we will both be devoured by one of last years neigborhood bears, I think about the coroner for Timothy Treadwell and how he wryly dictated into a mic the contents of the bears stomach.
I can just imagine how Dr.Fallico would have described me. Ah yessss, blue threads consistent with a natty, worn bathrobe. Blue rubber chunks with flowers, yessss appears to be Bogs, possible size 7. Victim Number 1 obviously cared about her appearance, as she coordinated her footwear with her outerwear perfectly.

5:45 am: Back from surviving near bear attack. Back in bed, with dog. Hopefully she is putting her dirty little paws all over John's empty pillow. Bring back the sleep.

6:15 am:  Jack quietly creeps into the room only to loudly announce that he would like me to put in the password on the computer, because his penguin is in dire need of help.

6:16 am: Go back to bed Jack, it's 6:16 in the morning. Sunday morning. Stomp, stomp, stomp up the stairs he went. The tone for the day has been set and there is no remedy.

7:15 am: Trudge upstairs with Pugsley. Turn down Pokemon. Have lethal thoughts of euthanizing Pikachu.

7:30 am: Does anyone want sausage and eggs for breakfast. Ooooh me, me. I hear happy boys chant.

7:45 am:" Sausage, you made sausage? Are you out of your mind? How could you do this to me! Of all days, sausage, you give me sausage". I am feeling like the dog needs another walk and I get another shot at being devoured by a bear and not a gnarly eight year old.

Fast forward through a morning of boys arguing, teasing and being plain nasty. Except for the cheerios and coffee Brodie served to me on a cookie sheet.

10:15 am: Brodie kindly goes to fetch the dog out of the boggy wet bushes after she does her duty and steps knee deep into a giant pile of dog poop. Not normal poo. I know who's poo this is and it doesn't belong from any dog at my house. This is neighbor dog poo and it's nasty! Poor Brodie, calmly walks out of the bushes, gently sets Pugsley down and proceeds to take of his boots, with neighbor's nasty dog poo all over his bare legs(he was wearing shorts). Leaving boots for Daddy to deal with when he arrives home. 

12:00 pm: It's time to go to riding lessons! Yeah, you like riding horses. I like watching you be happy, let's go be happy!

12:01 pm: I don't really want to ride today, maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow is a school day. Today is happy riding day. Let's go! blah blah blah Okay, I am buying McDonald's for the 45 minute ride to happy horse lessons.

12:12 pm: Oh no, my fries! MY FRIES! First sausage and now this! Fries are now officially feeding the cootie bugs that dwell on the Fuelinator's floor boards.

1:00pm Mickey, I want to ride Sierra.I am not going to ride Mickey. But you rode Sierra last week it's Brodie's turn to ride Sierra. NO.....huge tantrum. 

1:09 pm: Brodie is happily learning to stand and gallop. Jack is learning that Equine Therapy Autistic Camp leaders, won't be having any of your stompy, yelling, hissing fits. You young man are going to ride on that horse. And he did. And he frowned the whole hour.

3:00 pm: Boys, Mommy needs to put her feet up for just a few minutes. But what about Club Penguin? Aren't we going to plant the flowers? If their not tomatoes I am not planting them. This coming from a child who has never, ever eaten a tomato that wasn't sauce or ketchup. What about Diary of a Wimpy Kid?

4:30 pm: Boys, Boys, argue argue. Go to your room. Honey if the puppy is biting your leg you shouldn't put her up to your face, your lip will feel better, yes, I am sure.

6:45 pm: One boy sent to bed early for hitting.

6:50 pm: My throat hurts when I swallow my spit or cough. 100 degree temp.Tylenol, water, jammies, teeth, bed. Fingers crossed his cooties go away and this house stays quiet until morning. And I mean mommy morning time, not puppy morning

8:00 pm: Just noticed the Floorboard Fries. 

Friday, April 26, 2013


No matter how many anti-gun liberals were elected and no matter how many heart felt stories were bled onto our congress, the American people, our Congress decided to vote for the rights of the people

Big guns, little guns, red guns, blue guns, loud guns, silenced guns, revolving guns, semi auto, full auto, oh hell we better get the hell out of here guns. Let's fill our freezer with meat for the winter guns and I am going to save my family from the intruder guns. We are safe from ourselves for now. All are lethal. All are legal.

Why? Why is something so dangerous legal to our citizens? Wouldn't it be easier to just take the guns away and then we would all be safe? From whom? Ourselves, the dutifully registered gun owners. The hunters, providing meat for their families. The home owner protecting his family from the escaped felon breaking into his first floor window. Should he not protect his family. Will 911 work? Will they be there in time to protect his wife and children?
Guns will always have a place in American Society. Hopefully a responsible place. A place of respect and acknowledgement of the dangers. Not, video game hype. Let's teach the children of American the difference between video game violence and real violence.  Guns kill. Maybe this should be a part of  the school health class curriculum, parents included?

I am not pro-gun, I am pro-rights. I believe the United States Government should not have to give me the right to own a firearm, I believe it is my right as a law abiding citizen to own one, should I choose. I am Pro-American.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Our Summer on the Water

I thought it would be fun to share our summers worth of adventures on water, so here goes.

Our first trip of the year was in May out of Whittier. Our sole intent for this trip was to get out and get some fresh shrimp and to have a some fun after a long winter of snow.  Unfortunately winter had not ended in Prince William Sound and the snow caught up to us each night.

Rowing to shore thru the slush, time for a bit of running around to relieve the energy a little boy can gather from a day or two confined to a boat.

Brodie and a big shrimp in the snow storm one evening.

Shrimping was good and we got a few pounds of fresh ones to enjoy.  Here is a shot of the biggest of one of the pulls.

The shrimp bandit.  On our way back in we stopped across the bay from the Whittier harbor to clean the days shrimp.  I kept getting the feeling that something was watching me and when I turned around I finally spotted this guy sitting on the roof.  When I went inside the cabin to get the camera it helped itself to a shrimp out of the pile I was cleaning.

A few minutes later it came back and landed on the roof again, I set a shrimp off to the side of the boat and went back to cleaning and sure enough down it came to get its second shrimp of the day. 
 This went on for a hour or so and I think I fed that guy about 5 good size shrimp.  Half of them went back to the trees somewhere on the cliffs and the rest it ate on top of the raft on the roof of the boat.  Kind of neat to watch it toss the shrimp in the air and catch it to reposition it for flight.

The next trip out was in June, again out of Whittier but this time I wanted to go look for a Black Bear and try and get some more shrimp. 

We left Whittier and realize we forgot to get some ice for the cooler so we detoured up Blackstone Bay and had to go all the way to the back to find some ice.  While we were back there we took the time to get a few photos.

After finding some ice we headed West for some new unexplored (by us at least) country.  We ended up spending the night in small cove off of the Unawik Inlet.  Here I am sneaking off to go look for a bear. I did end up seeing one bear that night and I learned that I need a motor on that raft.  Another group of hunters spotted the bear as well and they had a motor.

The next day we pulled the shrimp pots and found this strange little fish along with a few shrimp.

July rolled around and we decided to make another trip out to Prince William Sound in search of a Ling Cod for Brodie and more shrimp for all of us. Unfortunately the weather did not cooperate and we did not get far enough South to find ling cod, we did however make it to the Perry Island Oyster farm to get a couple dozen oysters and we did find some shrimp.

Brodie tried his first raw oyster..... and like everything else he loved it and wanted more.

When I asked Jack if he wanted to try a raw oyster, this is the look I got back.

Sasha got a new life vest, it has a good handle on it to use the next time she decides she wants to swim. It does not seem to bother her.

The weather got kind of nasty, as a matter of fact we basically had to run and hide for the night. On the way from Knight Island to Culross Passage (our hiding spot) we spotted this hazard to navigation. It does not look very large in the photo but we got a bit closer and it was much bigger than our 28 ft boat.

August rolled around and we decided it was time to find some Silvers.   The first stop was a quick overnight in Seward on our way to Homer. 

We got a few silvers the first day out and the boys hammed it up for a photo.

After Seward it was off to Homer for some fun. We decided to go out and try and find a Ling Cod (planned on running out past the Barren Islands) but the weather got bad so we stopped by flat Island for some Halibut fishing. Neither of the boys had caught a halibut on there own so we decided there was no time like the present.

Later in the Month and still searching for more Silver Salmon we took a chance on a rumor of some possible silvers out in Prince William Sound.  

Brodie was in command and headed to the fishing spot.

Jack was manning the water cannon to keep the sea gulls at bay

Sometimes they just had to hang on to each other, not sure if this is just a brotherly hug or the beginning of a wrestling match, either way its a good photo.

Unfortunately we did not find any Silvers, but we do know where to get Oysters to go with our shrimp. If you look real close you can see the oysters soaking in milk at the top, on the half shell in the middle, along with shrimp grilled on the BBQ and a few shrimp that were going to go into the pasta after being cooked.

After dinner it was time to take the dog and one of the boys to the beach for a run.

Sunset in Three Fingers Cove that night

The next morning it was time to go home.  We had been hearing a "notice to mariners" all weekend about a partially submerged boat so we went to take a look.

Not a pretty sight, but obviously the boat was heavily damaged and from the looks of it had been opened up to prevent it from floating again... it did not work.

That was the last trip of the summer, The Stor Fisk is now in storage waiting for spring.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Wow, is that Possible?

So, the other day John calls the school to let them know we would be picking up Jack early. The very nice woman working in the office at the time quietly said to John "Just to let you know, Brodie is in the principal's office".
We have NO idea what is going on. He is not a going to a principal's office kind of kid. And I know that whatever has happened is going to be very traumatic for him.
Fortunately, I had his parent teacher conference that day at 3:45.

I show up after school at 3:30 and Brodie is in the hall waiting for me. There is also a Dad speaking with his teacher and another little boy standing in the hall looking very unhappy.
I am starting to put things together.

So I sit down with Brodie on the bench outside his classroom. Brodie, I heard you were in the principal's office today, want to tell me what happened?

"Oh he says,looking down at his feet,  I peed on my head".
Remaining calm, but very perplexed, I say, Brodie honey that's just not possible.
"Oh, yes it is, now looking at his crotch. My little weenie just went up and pee pee got on my head.

Brodie, where were you when you peed on your head?
"In the bathroom" he says.

This is a huge relief to me. Because I thought for sure this was an outdoor recess incident.

The very tall Dad is now walking out of the classroom and taking his son with him. The boy does not look happy and is still staring intently at the floor as they walk away.

In I go to the classroom. This is going to be good!

So, I get the whole scoop.

Brodie was going pee in the bathroom. The staring at the floor boy, came up and smacked him in the rear. A startled Brodie jumped in some way and whoops, urine went flying and landed on his head. This is never a good thing.

As it turns out. Brodie was too embarrassed to tell the principal what happened and the rear smacking boy was not going to fess up. In the office they went. Both in tears. Brodie from embarrassment and rear smacker from knowing he messed up.

It took 30 minutes of tears before Brodie finally "came clean" and told what happened in the bathroom.

So, if anyone ever needs to know. Yes, it is possible to pee on your head.

On this day, fact trumped fiction.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Women can have it all, but....

Awhile back a family member posted and linked on Facebook an article written by a woman who among other high profile jobs was an assistant to Secretary of State Clinton. This woman was perplexed that she was not able to have it all. 
She wound up quitting her "dream job" so that she could be closer to her 14 year old. A teenager that was having some troubles with school and had troubles in the past.
She wrote that when her two children were younger, her other dream job kept her away from home. BUT, she came home for weekends, had great quality time with her children and they went on fabulous vacations.
Hmmm, and now her child is having problems. I am surprised it took fourteen years.
This woman is a highly educated, articulate person that can't figure out why she can't have it all? But she can.

Here it is.
Quality time is a farce. An antiquated term thought up by women in the 70's hopped up on Xanax and white wine, wanting a reason to get away from the burdens of raising a family 24/7. Work wasn't a monetary necessity for most. It was an escape. Quality time with the kiddos was to make everything seem okay.

Quality time took on a fiercer meaning in the 80's. The keep up with the Joneses, BMW, MacMansion era of American suburban history, was just beginning. Mommy and Daddy must work 50 hours a week each, so they can keep up the lease payments on the 320i. Big hair, German cars and big payments.
The Ivy League dream job worker, didn't have to grab the golden ring. She chose too, and her family suffered for her decisions. Now she needs to buck up and take responsibility for her actions and the profound ramifications it has had on her children. Instead, she blames her problems on the current economy and the societal structure of the United States. Really?

 Children need their mothers. They need time, not forced upon them for 48 hours a week. But hanging out, doing nothing, just knowing Mom is there, time.

It is blatantly staring her in the face and she blames society! Well here it is, easy peasy. 

Working mothers can have it all. But their families cannot.

I was told poopoo when I made a little comment on the family member's Facebook page.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Broken Dreams.....

Gays, Lesbians, Transgender individuals. All are members of the human race, just like you or I. Some are Christians, some are not, just like you or I. These two statements are simple facts. So why is it so difficult for some members of society to live and let live? I don't care who marries whom. Why should they?
Is the sexuality of a neighbor anyone's concern? No, I don't believe it is.

This topic has come up quite frequently in the last few months. A hotbed topic on Facebook and news outlets. Why now? Do we care more or less about equal rights for every individual now, than we did in 1963? Why 1963? The year Martin Luther King Jr gave his I Have a Dream speech.

Do we need another moving speech to lead us out of the hatred being shown for members of our communities? Why haven't we evolved beyond hatred and bigotry?

A friend posted the below in response to Sarah Palin's picture in a Chik-Fil-A and was personally attacked and mocked by strangers on her FB page this weekend. Why?
Below is her exact post.

"Sarah and Sarah only. As an Alaskan woman that has supported you thru thick & think, I am so disappointed to see this blatant middle finger to a portion of society. I figured you were smart enough to steer away from this sort controversy. Your stand on being a christian should over ride the political aspect of your statement and just be nice to other human beings. Common sense of just saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, you should just say nothing at all". I am happily married, I'm not lesbian, but I have many friends and some family members that are gay and I care for them no matter what. This fear of the unknown is getting out of hand, straight people have not cornered the market on having strong loving relationships, trust me I take the phone calls everyday from the dysfunctional families doing horrible things to each other, especially with kids right in the middle. Energy needs to be focused on helping people function no matter what color, religion or sexual preference. Sad Sad Sad......"

Nothing in the above should have caused anyone to call someone a cry baby hypocrite or comment on someone's personal assets. 

There is confusion with many thinking this is a Republican vs Democrat situation, the right wing verses the Left wing and who is going to win. Or those thinking this is about religion, stating they are Christians and if you believe in LGBT marriages you can't be a Christian. 


 It does not matter the color of our skin, our religion, our race, political beliefs or whom we decide to marry. This issue is about equal rights for all people. 
And I use the term "our" not because I am a lesbian, I am not. I am human. I believe we are created equal and remain equal throughout our lives. 

 "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Martin Luther King Jr. August 28,1963

Forty Nine years and we still can't get it right?