Sunday, December 11, 2011

Eyewear Hell

I really dislike buying new glasses. I shouldn't. This cycle of eye doctor to glasses store has been going on since my first pair of ultra large frames at the tender age of 12. Having a complete stranger tell me how cute I looked and aren't those just darling, stunted any joy of eye glass shopping out of me for all eternity.

So it was with a slightly bad attitude that I trudged to the mall and schlepped into LenCrafters. There are a few small boutique eyewear shops in town, but I can't justify $800 smackeroos just for frames that I may break or drop into Prince William Sound, step on getting out of bed, etc. I have a very poor track record with glasses and in my 20s became really good with clear tape, super glue and silly putty. The two latter, I do not recommend, but will work in a pinch. No photos please.

I don't wear contacts, so trying on frames is a ridiculous dance of finding a frame, standing in front the store mirror, taking of old glasses, putting on new found frame and putting my head no more than five inches from the mirror. Thus looking like a complete middle aged Mr.Magoo moron.

So, today, I start the dance. I am greeted at the entrance of eyewear hell by a way to perky Adele wannabe. "How's it going for ya today, can I help you find anything amazing"? Crap. I already don't like this person. No I say, just looking. I feel I am safe from perky banter for a few minutes and can continue my dance in quiet.

She comes back often. "Aren't these Dolce Gabbana just amazing"? No, I am not paying to be their walking advertisement. Oh, she says, I totallllyyyy understand. These Tiffany frames are just toooo cute, don't you think? If I don't want D&G plastered on my temple, why would I want Tiffany? No, not for me I say. She walks away.

The dance is nearing it's end. After numerous frames and nose bashing against the mirror, I think that a decent frame has been found. A simple gold and cream Ralph Lauren. Nothing flashy, no rhinestones or giant logo. I like these.

Adele Wannabe swoops in for the sale. After gushing how amazingly fab they are, she looks at them and says "I am not sure these will take a multi-lens". I look at her quizzically, with absolutely no idea what she is talking about.
"Oh"! She says. You don't wear bifocals do you?

I now hate her and buying glasses has taken me to a new level of purgatory.

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